I AM ALIVE. My humongous eye bags should tell you a thing or two as to why I’ve been MIA. I finished my one month internship at the hospital on Friday and jumped right into the actual money making summer job at the coffeehouse. Been working all weekend and will be through Thursday, and THEN - prepare yourselves - I HAVE FIVE DAYS OFF UNTIL Wednesday. Granted, that’s just because in the last two September weeks, two of my colleagues are on holiday and I will be covering for them, so I’m using up all my off days now because I won’t get any later. But still, I’m so excited for my mini vacation! There’s a ton of things I need to do: get a new passport, go to the hairdresser, get my uni books for next year, make doctor’s appointments, clean my room etc. I haven’t been hitting the gym as regularly as usual, because I’m usually wiped out after work. But I’m not too bothered about it, I think eight hours of waitressing counts as a pretttttty good workout. Excited to hit the weights again anyway! I do miss the iron when I’ve been away for too long (what a douchey thing to say but it’s the truth!)Amidst all the working non-stop, I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately. I work all day, get home and watch ‘Shameless’ and go right to sleep. I talk to my work colleagues during the day, but it’s really just smalltalk, I don’t get to see my friends and family very often, and when I do I feel slightly disconnected? It’s weird. I had a pretty rough afternoon/night on Friday, when I was just feeling really overwhelmed with the workload and had a mini anxiety attack (ft. somatic symptoms such as racing heart, trouble breathing, all that nasty stuff). I’m planning lots of soul-soothing, socializing activities for my days off because it seems like I’m caving in quickly otherwise! 

I AM ALIVE. 
My humongous eye bags should tell you a thing or two as to why I’ve been MIA. I finished my one month internship at the hospital on Friday and jumped right into the actual money making summer job at the coffeehouse. Been working all weekend and will be through Thursday, and THEN - prepare yourselves - I HAVE FIVE DAYS OFF UNTIL Wednesday. Granted, that’s just because in the last two September weeks, two of my colleagues are on holiday and I will be covering for them, so I’m using up all my off days now because I won’t get any later. But still, I’m so excited for my mini vacation! There’s a ton of things I need to do: get a new passport, go to the hairdresser, get my uni books for next year, make doctor’s appointments, clean my room etc. 
I haven’t been hitting the gym as regularly as usual, because I’m usually wiped out after work. But I’m not too bothered about it, I think eight hours of waitressing counts as a pretttttty good workout. Excited to hit the weights again anyway! I do miss the iron when I’ve been away for too long (what a douchey thing to say but it’s the truth!)
Amidst all the working non-stop, I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately. I work all day, get home and watch ‘Shameless’ and go right to sleep. I talk to my work colleagues during the day, but it’s really just smalltalk, I don’t get to see my friends and family very often, and when I do I feel slightly disconnected? It’s weird. I had a pretty rough afternoon/night on Friday, when I was just feeling really overwhelmed with the workload and had a mini anxiety attack (ft. somatic symptoms such as racing heart, trouble breathing, all that nasty stuff). 
I’m planning lots of soul-soothing, socializing activities for my days off because it seems like I’m caving in quickly otherwise! 

So I ordered the Murad 30 Day Acne Kit online and just used it for the first time .. then I read up on reviews. Yup, that’s not the right order to do that kind of stuff in, guys. The reviews are pretty much 50/50, some say it has done wonders for their skin, the other half says it’s the most horrible product out there and has had them breaking out in itching hives. 
Now I’m scared. My chin feels like it’s itching but that’s probably psychosomatic.
Guys, I feel like I’ve been taking some major steps backwards in this whole adulting thing, HELP. 

An update + selfie, what more can you ask for. 
I accidentally set my alarm an hour late today - luckily I woke up 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house. Made myself a nice bulletproof coffee to go and powered through the morning. Ten admissions, lots of bloodwork, lots of needles, a very very drunk patient who didn’t want to believe that alcoholism and chemotherapy don’t go mix very well. The patient I mentioned on Friday passed away on the weekend. It baffles me how he just knew he was going to die - as I said, he seemed fine (as fine as you can be as a cancer patient in the last stages). But he knew, and I’m very very glad I got to talk to him last week and made sure he saw his family before he passed. I didn’t get a chance to speak to the nurses today, I hope he went painlessly and without a struggle. My package full of fancy schmancy skincare arrived today when I wasn’t home, I shall pick that up today or tomorrow - hoping my skin clears up soon, because I look like crap. Having a wee coffee break right now and then I’m heading to the neuroimaging lab to work on my thesis! Busy Monday, but I’m feeling great :) 

An update + selfie, what more can you ask for. 

I accidentally set my alarm an hour late today - luckily I woke up 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house. Made myself a nice bulletproof coffee to go and powered through the morning. Ten admissions, lots of bloodwork, lots of needles, a very very drunk patient who didn’t want to believe that alcoholism and chemotherapy don’t go mix very well. 
The patient I mentioned on Friday passed away on the weekend. It baffles me how he just knew he was going to die - as I said, he seemed fine (as fine as you can be as a cancer patient in the last stages). But he knew, and I’m very very glad I got to talk to him last week and made sure he saw his family before he passed. I didn’t get a chance to speak to the nurses today, I hope he went painlessly and without a struggle. 
My package full of fancy schmancy skincare arrived today when I wasn’t home, I shall pick that up today or tomorrow - hoping my skin clears up soon, because I look like crap. 
Having a wee coffee break right now and then I’m heading to the neuroimaging lab to work on my thesis! 
Busy Monday, but I’m feeling great :) 

So today I cried at work. 

Nobody saw as I locked myself in the bathroom, but I feel like it’s concerning anyways. I shouldn’t react as strongly to ~things~ as a doctor. 
What happened was that we have a patient who came in for another round of chemotherapy. His primary carcinoma is in his sigma, but it’s spread to his lungs and liver, so the treatment he’s getting is palliative (= no intention of ‘curing’ him but keeping the cancer and pain at bay.)
I’d already seen him last week, and he is worse but not in terrible condition either, physically. He’s very distraught though and when I talked to him this morning, he asked me to phone his wife and tell her to bring the family in so he can say goodbye. He was convinced he’d die today. 
Now, all his parameters were stable and his bloodwork came back okay, but I called in his family anyway because it was his wish.
When his grandkids came in I nearly lost it. He lit up so much, and it brought back memories of when me and my brothers said goodbye to my grandma. 
A bit later, I went on our round with the consultant and the patient told him what he’d told me, that he didn’t want to go on anymore and doesn’t want to continue chemotherapy. 
The consultant kind of just brushed him off and said something to the effect of ‘You’ll change your mind’. So I stayed behind and told him that he really doesn’t have to continue treatment if he feels like it’s time, and he held onto my Hand and just kept on repeating that it was too hard and he just wanted to go on. 
So that really got me. I went home after work instead of to the gym, showered and slept for two hours. Will definitely process this via Text soon but for now I’m drained.

So today I cried at work.

Nobody saw as I locked myself in the bathroom, but I feel like it’s concerning anyways. I shouldn’t react as strongly to ~things~ as a doctor.
What happened was that we have a patient who came in for another round of chemotherapy. His primary carcinoma is in his sigma, but it’s spread to his lungs and liver, so the treatment he’s getting is palliative (= no intention of ‘curing’ him but keeping the cancer and pain at bay.)
I’d already seen him last week, and he is worse but not in terrible condition either, physically. He’s very distraught though and when I talked to him this morning, he asked me to phone his wife and tell her to bring the family in so he can say goodbye. He was convinced he’d die today.
Now, all his parameters were stable and his bloodwork came back okay, but I called in his family anyway because it was his wish.
When his grandkids came in I nearly lost it. He lit up so much, and it brought back memories of when me and my brothers said goodbye to my grandma.
A bit later, I went on our round with the consultant and the patient told him what he’d told me, that he didn’t want to go on anymore and doesn’t want to continue chemotherapy.
The consultant kind of just brushed him off and said something to the effect of ‘You’ll change your mind’. So I stayed behind and told him that he really doesn’t have to continue treatment if he feels like it’s time, and he held onto my Hand and just kept on repeating that it was too hard and he just wanted to go on.
So that really got me. I went home after work instead of to the gym, showered and slept for two hours. Will definitely process this via Text soon but for now I’m drained.

“You cannot pray for an A on a test and study for a B. You cannot pray for a celestial marriage and live a telestial life. You cannot pray for something and act less.”

Tad R. Callister (via grandviziertothesultanofagrabah)

God just spoke to me right here.

(via worshipgifs)

(Source: theworthofsouls, via the-life-of-leah)

If I don’t make an effort to look cute … I really DON’T look cute. Spend the morning at the hospital and the afternoon trying to figure out citation programs (shoot me - in case anyone knows which text program works with Zotero plug-ins on a Mac, do tell!) so I can finally get started on that thesis! 
Heading home now for dinner and then gym!

If I don’t make an effort to look cute … I really DON’T look cute. Spend the morning at the hospital and the afternoon trying to figure out citation programs (shoot me - in case anyone knows which text program works with Zotero plug-ins on a Mac, do tell!) so I can finally get started on that thesis!
Heading home now for dinner and then gym!

Today marks the sixth time I’m watching the Season 2 finale of ‘The Mindy Project’. I’m not even sorry, t’s the only way to get some romance in my life.

Why does this always happen when I’m supposed to buy regular clothes. Damn you H&M and your cute workout gear!

Why does this always happen when I’m supposed to buy regular clothes. Damn you H&M and your cute workout gear!

I made vegan pizza for lunch and it was A+

I made vegan pizza for lunch and it was A+

Sweating out my frustration.

Sweating out my frustration.

There is nothing I hate more in life than Austrian bureaucracy -.- Just wasted another three hours of my time trying to get two signatures on a pointless piece of paper. I got one and had to reschedule for the second one because Mr. Fancypants can’t show up for his own goddamn appointement.
WHY

I feel like I’ve been tun over by a bus. Time to take a walk and soothe my soul with iced coffee, sunshine and Johnny Cash tunes.

I feel like I’ve been tun over by a bus. Time to take a walk and soothe my soul with iced coffee, sunshine and Johnny Cash tunes.

I am 22 years old, shouldn’t I have realized by now that drunk texting is a dumb thing to do???

HELP re: Jeans


I AM STRUGGLING.
Since I’ve started to lift heavy, the booty keeps growing while the waist shrinks .. now I’m certainly not complaining, but I can’t find a pair of jeans to save my life and it’s starting to piss me off!
Does anyone have any recommendations?? I’d love you forever.

Kreon by Stijn.